Wednesday, February 10, 2010

It Hurts and It Hurts.

My heart was really hurting last night.  My chest cavity {heart} was sore for several hours late into the night/early morning.  For a while I had what felt like an almost burning feeling strictly in my heart.  My heart felt very heavy.  I took an aspirin and it felt better (great?).  I am anxious to go to my cardiology appointment.  

I hate feeling (the) arrhythmia; I don't think I'll ever get used to it and wish it would cease.  I don't mean to sound negative, I simply get tired of having my body feel fragile; like there are butterflies inside my chest; like I could break apart.

Speaking of breaking apart, I am very frustrated.  I just found out that apparently my father was diagnosed with arrhythmia in his thirties. It would have been nice to have known this when I had my heart attack/myocardial infarction or maybe, perhaps, before!?  Adoptive parents are looking better and better.  Is that possible still?!  I am trying to have a sense of humor about what I perceive as selfishness/sheer parental failure.  Certainly, if pertinent medical information isn't going to be disclosed with your child(ren), what kind of a "loving" and "selfless" parent can you claim to be?  As I said, is there adoption for thirty-something's?  Only kidding, I'd much rather carry on with my life (full medical disclosure on my father's part would have been ideal since I wasn't left on a door step for nun's to raise!).

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